9 October

Edna Peter and I May2016 at the Deppeler reunion.

9 th October 

I spent all day with Mum yesterday with only brief visits from Tracey and John. I felt that Saturday would be the day but at 5:00 pm she seemed to be just in the same breathing pattern and so I decided to leave.  Mary the charge nurse on duty with 16 years experience, related a story about the song 'You are my Sunshine' being one that had helped two patients release their spirits and she suggested I try it too. I downloaded a Bing Crosby version and played it. I felt a bit guilty but I hoped it would help her. I was tired and despondent so l left and rang Peter my brother to check he was okay as I hadn't heard from him all day. He also was very low. We had just sat down to dinner at 6:30 when Peter rang to say Mum had just died. We abandoned our dinner and raced across to the hospital. John andTracey were amazed at my speed! I was so focused on getting to the hospital I didn't really notice them. Mum was very peaceful but I asked Mary to put her dentures back in because she hated to be seen without them and she just didn't look like Mum without them. Peter arrived shortly after. For a moment I just felt like a little girl again.  It passed and we talked about how lucky we were to have Edna as our Mother. Her values are deeply imbedded in us all and particularly about love being the most important aspect of life. We sat with her for awhile and then gathered her things and removed her jewellery. We are all relieved that in the end she didn't linger very long. Her desire to control her destiny was achieved. In the end she had the quality of life she wanted almost to the end with only the last few weeks being in a state of helplessness. She was dignified and gracious always. The staff on the ward loved her for her smile and her appreciation of their kindness. They were wonderful in the care they gave Mum. Always kind and respectful.

I am sad that I have lost not only my mother but my best friend. 

Afterwards there is always a flurry of activity letting people know. I am a bit numb and functioning on automatic. 

It is doubly hard for Tracey because her Mother is also hovering at deaths door and she will be losing the two most important women in her life in the same weekend. Her mother is interstate so her dedication to helping mum and I  has been even more generous.