8th October 

Last night I came home feeling drained. Mum seems to have just shrunk into this little lady.  Tracey came by to see mum and after some prayers and loving words we left. I bought a bottle of champagne on the way home and we were well into our second glass when John arrived home. He had booked a table at the Summer house restaurant which is abuzz on Fridays and has live music. It was a lovely change. I felt more settled and then we stopped by the hospital on the way home because the nurse had said things could change quite quickly. Mum was sleeping peacefully but then I slept fitfully on edge about receiving a call in the night. 

At 3am Tracey woke and soon after received a text from her sister to say their mother Val had deteriorated and this looked like her final hours. Having both her mother and her godmother pass at the same time is really intense. We are all on edge waiting. Mum always said when she died she would take Val with her but now it might be the opposite way. Mum's breathing is changing slightly. I am talking with her every now and again, saying prayers, playing soothing music, touching her to let her know I am here.  Her eyes flutter open when she is moved from side to side but otherwise there is no recognition. She just seems to be diminishing every time I look at her.