Mum has had some frightening dreams that unsettled her the night before and even though she had been in the recliner when I arrived she was so uncomfortable. She is sick of being in bed and sick of being sick. Wednesday night Tracey came and we had some champagne. Mum clicked glasses on every drink
. Later that evening David and Anne Marie came to visit and they also bought Champagne and glasses and she so enjoyed that. I went to dinner with them afterwards at Tenerife and had a lovely Italian dinner and gelato. It is such a contrast to Mum's current state and only serves to emphasise the loss of quality in her life. The doctors talked about how they were going to help her and she struggled to keep her eyes open and could only whisper even more quietly that usual but she understood. Thursday was a hard day particularly. She was so upset at her helplessness and just praying to have it over. She is not in pain physically but emotionally she is hating that it is taking so long. The indignity of the process is distressing. She feels like she is being punished by God. What do you say to that? I just say it is about giving her time to get ready. Seems a poor answer. My heart is breaking. It was so much better for Peter. A sudden end.
She is being kept comfortable which really means sedated so she isn't distressed. Mum can hear us but it is an effort to keep her eyes open.
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