July 28

Today marks a week that I have been here with Mum. The talking has eased since we have caught up. Her appetite is improving now that I am cooking and she is eating more. We went shopping today for a top to wear to the wedding and included some grocery shopping as well. I took the wrong turnoff and we went past the shopping centre so that I had to find our way back and on our return to Edens Landing I took the incorrect road again and had a lovely time exploring the suburb Tanah Mera before we got back onto the right road. It was all too much. Although I had Mum sitting down as often as possible while shopping, we didn't have more than a coffee and donut until we got home. I made a protein drink and biscuits with cheese as well as a cup of tea but she was really tired and soon was sleeping quite soundly in the chair.  We had dinner around seven and she ate well but was soon sleeping again.  I had bought some underwear for the dress I am wearing to the wedding and bought a couple of extra bras at discount prices. Going broke buying bargains and using vouchers! I think I bought more than I really needed because it was such a relief to get out and about. I am finding it very tiring being the carer. 

The tiredness is probably to do with slowing down too. I usually live at a fairly fast pace, so like on holidays, you feel tired when you stop. I have all this energy that just isn't being used up even though I am trying to go for a daily run. It isn't long enough or fast enough yet. I never was a great runner, rather a good fast walker and I am trying to increase my running every day. Intense then regular, then intense again. 

We will start clearing the wardrobe tomorrow. That is something I can do with a bung hand. We are expecting visitors again on the weekend which will be a nice change.  Cousin Jan came Wednesday and I cooked an Asian lunch which was tasty. I was gratified that the gourmet cleaned her plate! Jan bought a few pairs of shoes to get our advice on what would be best to take on her coming trip to England and France. She stayed until about 4:30pm and with all the discussions and shoe vetting for her trip to Europe we were a both a bit weary. It is always enjoyable having visitors though I have begun to recognise a need for a bit of solitude in myself.  This is a development from my walks and living on my own I think. A good development. 

Edens Landing July 26

I have been here with Mum for a week. When I visited last she was very weak and I felt she would not last the month. I returned to Melbourne and sorted my affairs as much as possible and returned to Mum within a week. Since I arrived and started to do all the cooking and housework she has been getting more rest. The oncologist prescribed steroids and they have made a difference too. She is coughing less and eating more. That combined with company and plenty of champagne( medicinal of course) and her spirits have lifted considerably. It was hard to see her so discouraged. We have done a lot of talking( exhausting actually and a reminder I can be this bad too!), reminiscing and laughing and we are all feeling a lot better. 

I had an accident with a carving knife yesterday and cut myself badly so that I am now sporting 5 stitches in my left hand. It was deep but no nerve damage or tendon damage  was sustained thank goodness. It has meant we are both having a slow day. 

Yesterday was Mum's painting workshop day and the 'girls' came from 10-3pm. These women have been learning from Mum for twenty years and it is now just a painting group of friends.  They all paint in her (garage) studio. It is a happy group and fortunately Julie an ex nurse, took me to the doctor because I didn't want to bleed over my brother's BMW. He would not have been impressed. 

July 15 coming to grips with Mum's situation.

The trip to Brisbane for ALIA was very interesting and we all felt this course was presented well. It was very intense though being confined all day in a small apartment which acts as an office. The office manager was a little dog Billie who wore a striped bow tie for the occasion. Very different. The social dinner following the assessment was very convivial, one of the best we have attended.  The next day when I was leaving our apartment hotel I discovered my swipe would not allow me to leave. I even left the car and tried to swipe in manually first but apparently you need to do that in a car! I had entered the carpark prior to registering so I had a parking ticket. The reception had said I would be fine but I suspected that would be wrong. I should have left and returned with the swipe. In my effort to back out of the exit I bumped into a pole and scratched the back bumper. I was pretty upset because it is my brother's car. Anyway I finally got the reception staff to swipe me  and my companions out. What a relief! When I got to Mum's place I took some Jiff cleaner and scrubbed off the black marks on the bumper and joy, there is only a very tiny, tiny chip in the duco.

The rest of my time I spent with Mum and I am seriously concerned. She is very fatigued, has lost about a stone in weight and has very little appetite. It seems that the cancer has begun to impact on her activity level. I feel so helpless not knowing what is going on so I have decided to organise things in Melbourne and return to Mum for the next few weeks. She needs support and I want to be there for her. Jonathan and Clare will need to find another sitter for Ziggy on Wednesdays, hopefully Clare's sister Chipiwa will be able to help. I will miss him so much because he is developing so quickly now and is so much fun. I have disentangled myself from courses and arrangements that I have had planned to free me up to return to Brisbane.

My next big issue was the wedding. The invitation said formal and that we needed to wear black, white or black and white! As the mother of the groom I wanted to be really smart and edgy and not safely boring or old frumpy Mum. Those two fashionistas will look so fabulous. My lace blouse needed dressy pants and I felt that it wouldn't be formal enough. I set off to Carla Zampatti boutique for pants and decided to try a couple of dresses. OMG! The Cream/white Gigi dress looked fabulous and felt so right. I didn't hesitate. This is the dress! It is so simple but with a twist and even though it isn't floor length it looks so dressy I am over the moon. Even with my black tights which were not the best look. It is long enough but I could wear it to cocktail parties and get a lot more wear than a full length gown.

 Trouble is I bought the pants as well. An expensive day though entirely satisfactory. I don't usually spend this much money on clothes but you can see why they are expensive when they fit perfectly. It is a great relief to have the main event sorted. 

Now to pack for Qld.

July 2

I gave my talk at the Camino group and after fluffing about with the media finally got the slide show owing. It seemed to go well. I talked about the three pilgrimages, Spain and Japan. Caught up with Rob when we took in the Degas exhibition  together at the NGV. He had been having a few days in Melbourne just catching up with galleries and his breath. Even though he loves his country life he misses not getting away more regularly. He needs the stimulation and I need the isolation of the country.. Funny match up! The rest of the week was focused on preparing for the trip to Brisbane for ALIA and Mum and a visit to the Zoo with Ziggy. It was so cold we were both happy to head home at lunch time. 

I had a lovely visit with Kim and David at Mt Martha who are minding a B&B that they have stayed at twice before. The owners needed someone to mind the chooks and the cat! I loved the chickens and picked one up for a cuddle. Their feathers were so soft and smooth. We visited the Briars one of the first  homesteads on the peninsula which had some connections with Napolean of all people. What a gorgeous place.

The weather had been the coldest for nine years; Freezing and finally some good snow in the mountains. Maybe I will go skiing this winter. It has been several years since I donned skis or snow board. Could be fun. In the meantime I am heading to Brisbane for a week for work and to visit Mum.

 Voting today so that was a conundrum? I am not convinced by any of the parties but I have done my best and hope we don't get a hung parliament again. I went with Nick and we got a chance to talk. He is still heartbroken and rather low about his broken relationship and life in general of course. 

I can only encourage him and remind him there are no quick fixes.