Endings

12 th November 

It has been a " normal" week although I haven't achieved very much. I am still pretty tired in a low key way. Had dinner with Jane and reminiscing about Mum brought up unfinished business for her over her own mother's passing.  I had the same effect with LeeLin who has a lot of bitterness and unresolved grief over her husbands manner of passing. I feel like I am an instrument of the universe in releasing these built up feelings somehow.

Kim and David and I took the train up to Ballarat to see the 2016 Archibald exhibition. This is a national portrait competition and always interesting. The winner was a portrait of Deng a Sudanese refugee who has become a lawyer here in Australia. It is a realistic style and so powerful and precise it looks almost like a photograph but more alive. Exceptional.

I also went with Roger, my brother in law, to see the Tony Matecevski  exhibition at Bendigo last Sunday. His two friends Chris and Rodney drove us and it was also an  exceptional day. Fabulous, creative clothes. This designer was the creator of Clare's wedding dress. Elegant but interesting garments.  Well,perhaps I did accomplish a fair bit this week after all?! I managed to fit in lots of Ziggy time as well. 

I was hoping to set up a meeting with Rob too but he wasn't that interested and that brought up the issue of how deep do you go with someone. I have grown fond of him and thought it would be nice to spend a bit more time together. Most of our dates have been to the movies or gallery and dinner.  I have had a couple of short visits to his place.  I wasn't always completely at ease with him, which I put down to us being in a learning to get to know you phase. He has been happy to introduce me to his friends but seemed reluctant to meet mine. We had a discussion about our friendship,  the outcome of which I probably expected. He only wants superficial and I want and need something a bit deeper. We are still friends and he will keep in touch but there is no future there.  I enjoyed his difference and honesty and he was a kind and generous companion but his emotions are so guarded and he is basically content with his life as it is. He had always said he didn't want to be special in any ones life. I gave it a shot but after three months with Mum I had hoped for a warmer welcome home. If I learned nothing else from Mum it is that love is essential to life. It didn't happen so move on. There is a new year around the corner and new opportunities.

MT Buller

Mt Buller

Oh! My stiff legs! We finally conquered the Kingsporn track down the mountain. The track had several large trees across it and was very rough and steeply descending.  We had the usual confusion about finding the beginning of the track and ended up having to walk up a steep ski slope before walking down (!) the next one across. My legs are feeling the excursion today. Janine and I were up for dinner and she had had a fall so was feeling a bit stiffer and scorer but the moving in the kitchen was a good wind down. We cooked a roast lamb and vegetables and I added an instant butterscotch mousse. It was a great success and we all ate heartily. The wind got up last night and at 4am I woke to incessant howling and trees thrashing. Walking looked a bit bleak but nonetheless we set off to Little Mt Buller today and had wind, rain , clouds  and later hail. More uphill steep ski run walking but an invigorating day. I feel quite weary and was really hungry so polished off soup, lamb and verges, a sandwich that Janine hadn't eaten the day before and two pieces of fruit cake!  Now I am stiffening up beside the fire!

30 th October back at home for a minute.

It was an interesting flight home because I met a young woman Diana, originally from Colombia who has settled in Australia and we got chatting. we really made a connection and she later found me on Facebook and sent a message about meeting up. I decided I'd meet her for coffee sometime. She had been a student at Box Hill.

Returning home was lovely because the boys were so glad to see me and I went straight into Ziggy time on Wednesday. He is growing up so fast. We had a visit to the Trampoline place and Coles to do some shopping. He was able to have his own little trolley which he loved. I was amused at how assertive he was about what went in his trolley! Later we visited Jane D  and it was so nice to see her. She sent us home with lots of roses for Clare.

Then it was Thursday and preparing for the trip to Mt Buller. I feel a bit disorganised for hiking but I am looking forward to the mountain and catching up with friends. 

Difficulties with writing on this blog haven't stopped. It is frustrating. It is hard to correct mistakes so excuse the spelling errors!

Leaving

Today we really did finish the clearing out of Mum's unit. I have been feeling more emotional as the unit became emptier. It is as if we are obliterating Mum from the world. I felt this when I shifted from my home to the apartment after Peter died. Mum packed quite literally,  a whole life into that place. Seeing the empty hooks on the walls, the cleared rooms, an air of abandonment comes over a place when it is emptied and before it is cleaned which made me feel sad. It is the end. I know memories last forever and people live in your heart but the tangible evidence of their existence has disappeared. 

Practically speaking Mum lives on in all the pieces of China and paintings we have given to friends and family! There was a lot so their is evidence.

Tomorrow I return to Melbourne and my former life. I am excited and sad all rolled into one. Living up here for three months has allowed me to reconnect with my siblings in a richer way and develop closer bonds also with my cousin and my sister- in-law. It has given me a chance to spend time with my husband's family too. It has been a wonderful experience and I will miss the closeness. Sometimes in the past  I have felt when I am in Melbourne, not only distant physically but emotionally from my siblings so this time has been very rewarding and nurturing for me too. Rex who licks my ears and sits at my feet. I will miss the doggy enthusiasm and welcomes.

Childhood memories

I 23 rd October 

Yesterday I thought it would be a quick day at Mum's but although we finished about 3:30 because we were plain stuffed we had worked for nearly the whole day again( 7 hours) just clearing and then wrapping paintings. This has been a mammoth task. Peter and I have worked solidly for two weeks with help from Tim and Jan and Scott and Heidi when they were able. Today though we went to Yangan our childhood home 21 kms south of Warwick. Our parents had the general store and both Peter and I  started school there. 

There isn't much of a town really but our old store is still operating as is the post office, the pub and the school of arts. The school has grown from a two roomer to a multi building enterprise although still modest. Peter remembered a lot more than I did because he was 9 when we left and I was only 5. I had forgotten how beautiful the country was and the soil was so black and rich. 

We had been motivated by a heavy horse field day being run for charity.  It was about showcasing clydesdales and bullocks and how they were used on farms to pull or drive farm machinery. It was very interesting and there was a huge turnout so I am sure they made a good profit.

We then drove through Killarney a very pretty town with a rich history of timber milling , dairying, crop farming and even mining and home through Boonah and Beaudesert. The closer we got to Beenleigh the greater the housing development.  It is shocking to see these developments without road or rail infrastructure to support the residents.

Clearing continues

16 th October Sunday back at the unit. 

Another day of clearing and we decided to allocate and wrap porcelain for everyone so that the whole family can get a little bit of Edna and I will print out her artistic CV so that they all understand what they have and how accomplished she was.

It was an exhausting task helped along by Scott and Heidi who just wrapped and wrapped all day. It was a mammoth task and still we have China. Mum also had collectables that we were all given pieces in her will as well as others we think we will put on EBay to sell as we can't keep it all. We have boxes each and an EBay box as well. My stuff has flowed into more than one and I haven't packed the art books yet!

There is progress but gosh it is overwhelming at times.