Saturday, 20 December 2014

Christmas musings

I have been feeling a bit melancholy this week. After Sunday's lunch I have been acutely aware of my singleness. I am missing Peter and the intimacy of sharing life's incidentals. Is this still grieving or moving onto a new stage of acceptance and readiness to allow someone else into my life?
Janine thinks I haven't had enough quiet time in my life since Peter died.. Unlike her I had work and Nick living with me for awhile plus I am always so busy that she worried I didn't have enough alone time to grieve. I always believed I had time enough but now I wonder. It has been a roller coaster five years since Peter died. Do you ever stop missing someone you loved so deeply? Do you ever stop shedding tears ?  I know I am not in pain like I was. I can enjoy my lifife on so many levels but lately I have been envious I suppose of those who still have their husbands. I miss Peter. 
In helping Lee Lin explore RSVP and EHarmony dating sites I inadvertently registered on EHarmony and I have been getting these matches sent to me. I freaked out at first but then I got curious and read a few profiles. I haven't paid for access so I don't get pictures, just a brief description. I haven't communicated with anyone yet. It isn't the right time before Christmas with all the functions and socialising. I talked about it with a few girlfriends and they are all encouraging. It is scary. The idea of being with someone after all this time of being with one man and then on my own.  Still you see lots of people who have re-partnered so I shouldn't think it is weird. If you feel your husband was the love of your life, where does that leave the next person? Still that doesn't necessarily preclude having a friend I suppose.. Time will tell.


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