One incident and life changes forever

This weekend when I was about to go to Cirque Africa I received bad news about a friend's son passing away. He is not much older than my own sons. It rocks your world. We have such a tentative hold on life when it comes down to it.  He had some sort of illness but not what anyone expected to be life-threatening.  He was a sensitive, artistic person. It is too tragic. It makes you fearful that at any moment the the world as you know it is going to collapse, or sink into oblivion.  You want to cling to your loved ones and not let them out of your site just in case but you know that there is no safety anywhere and you just have to proceed as usual. I know that all sounds terribly dramatic but it is at the base of our shock.

It was six years on Saturday since my husband died and while the pain is no longer with me, the loss of him from my life is always a reminder.  You do pick yourself up and you do move on in life but it is never as it was.

Life still has joy for me in the cheeky smile of my Ziggy, the love from my sons and my family and friends.  Watching Ziggy wiggle his big toes reminded me that it was a thing Peter did and it made me smile. We wouldn't appreciate life fully if it had no clouds.

The circus was a welcome relief and respite from our gloomy thoughts. The littlest acrobat reminded me of Ziggy when he gets a little older.

 The music was so joyful and the performers were great.  What amazing bodies.

Back in the swing

It didn't take long to get back to life in Melbourne. Monday night I attended Book Club. It was a great discussion about The Coral Battle Ground by Judith Wright. It was a tedious read about a serious topic,  the recounting of the first attempts by conservationists to stave off development and mining on the  Great Barrier reef.  Here we are 30 years later trying to save the reef again from big business and sloppy governments.  We all admitted that we are however more talk than action (silent protestors).  It seems to me that we older women need to become the activists these days. You can't help but be inspired by these people who really commit to making a change. They are courageous. We are puffed up hot air. I signed the petitions and donated but haven't taken to the streets or written letters to members of parliament. 

I had Ziggy on Tuesday as usual and we had a great time at the park. I think he was rather over stimulated as he didn't actually go off to sleep for ages and was chatting and pretending to play with someone. I only went up once to settle him and then I just left him. He was happy but quiet didn't happen till nearly get up time! He had been so pleased to see me back again. It is so touching when they miss you. He had a lot of fun pretending to cook a BBQ with mandarin segments. He even commented about the 'oil' spitting!

Wednesday I got stuck into the accreditation work again and fixing up my accounts etc. it always takes ages to  do these administrative chores. Back at the gym too. I had a late breakfast with LeeLin as well.  Then before I realised it was time to leave for the VALA seminar at the Dock, library at Dicklands. What a great space! Met everyone and was most amused to see a tall banker type in dark suit and short hair riding his skateboard up the street after work. I wished I had the presence of mind to take a photo. It was such an interesting juxtaposition of suit and skateboard. 

I had rather cavalierly committed to ' Dry July' at the gym. No wine for a month, what was I thinking? So I had no wine at the seminar and none when I returned home. I really felt like a wine too. I guess that is the point, break the needy habit.  I have been able to resist quite easily so far but like to drink my water or cordial in a wine glass. It seems more of an occasion. 

I was really tired on Friday because Jonathan and Nick had come for dinner Thursday night and I had made a  special meal in a bowl, soup and polenta chips. Well they weren't chips but more like shards! They still tasted delicious. I enjoyed cooking something different for a change. Cooking new things is interesting and rewarding when the recipients are so appreciative.  The boys worked till midnight and I don't feel I can go to bed when they are still here. I do the mum thing and ply them with food and drink to sustain them. We talk a bit but it is just a really comfortable family feeling sort of night.  I miss Peter sometimes on these nights. He would be so proud of the boys. 

I decided to try and get some urban walking shoes. My  current ones are very shabby and not very waterproof.  Every place I went was out of my size. They aren't even all that chic, just very sensible but still no sizes. Ugh! I wanted them for Saturday when the weather was predicted to be very wet and cold and we( Irene, Janine and I) were booked in for a Miss Fishers's Murder Mysteries walk. The character for this series is Phryne Fisher, heiress and lady detective. The series is set in Melbourne in the 1920s. It is a lot of fun and the clothes and sets are very authentic. This walk includes an afternoon tea, and cocktail at the end at the Gin Palace as well as visiting the film sites within the CBD..

Afternoon tea on the set of ' the police commissioners study', actually the formal room at Tasma House and Irene at the Gin Palace.

The guide Kathy was very interesting and added lots of information about the buildings and showed the film sites from the series on her IPad at each place. The Gin Palace was a very trendy, dark comfy seated bar that obviously specialises in gin. They have 120 different gins and our cocktail was made with Melbourne made gin and Melbourne made vermouth. It was delicious.  A home grown gin would be a good gift for taking overseas. Needless to say I broke my dry July promise for the cocktail as I had booked it well before and I admit I was weak.

I went back to Irene's place for a quick dinner and then home to make muffins and breakfast treats for the family who were coming for brunch on Sunday. A lovely finish to a full week.

Time with Mum

This week with Mum has been a wonderful opportunity for me to spend time with her  without distractions, to enjoy her company.  It also gives me a chance to see how she is faring mentally and physically. I think she is just fine. A little slower but not much, and though she drops off to sleep easily she doesn't when she is fully engaged either in conversation or playing scrabble. She is a strategic and capable player still which is reassuring. 

Physically she is upright, and steady on her feet and still a pretty good walker. She does tire more easily but then she actually doesn't do much lengthy walking either so I don't think that is a major concern. 

It is a great relief to find her so well and mentally alert. She would love to go to Alaska and I'm thinking maybe we could go together next year. I think she would be fine if we had a tour because she was very well organised except for packing her suitcase for this little excursion. Let's face it, packing is always a challenge for most people or women at least. She packed a few groceries too from her pantry so it didn't cost us much for the week. That was her idea so I think that was a great help.  It is easy to slip into the "taking, caring"  way of talking when someone is older and really I was accompanying her and there is a difference. Getting older is a challenge. 

We had a couple of pastel drawing sessions and that was a chance for me to show mum my growing abilities. I felt so proud when she said I had a good eye. It meant a lot to me to have her encouragement. We talked about why I had never drawn when I was younger. I was more interested in drama and I know Mum encouraged me to explore that because she had been shy and didn't want us to be. I was more active too with an interest in ballet but I always wanted to be able to draw. Now I am exploring the interest and it meant so much to me to have her acknowledge a latent talent. I guess we always strive for our parent's approval regardless of how old we are.

Mum is an amazing woman. We have been blessed to have such a loving, well balanced and wise mother.  She may tell lots of stories about her past these days but I see it as the passing on of family history and a way to gain understanding of the era. 

We were at the market at Caloundra and there was a palm reader. Mum suggested I have my palm read so I did. He didn't tell me any great revelations but said I would live to over 100 and that the ring on my right hand was interfering with my monetary luck. He said I was a bit bossy( true), that I speak straight(sometimes tactless) and that I had made a few false starts but once I hit  my late forties or 50 my career took off. That was when I started working full time and studying for my Masters. That was interesting.  He told me I had a good hand and then proceeded to tell me about his life! He was in his 80s, went dancing three times a week but although widowed he had had a wonderful wife and wasn't interested in remarrying! I have removed the ring from my right hand in the meantime and will see if I get lucky! Mum was tempted but thought that at 91 he wouldn't be telling her anything she didn't know. 

I had dabbled in palmistry when I was a young woman and this experience reawakened my interest. Serendipity stepped in and a book grabbed my attention when we were browsing the book barn at Eumundi. It was a book on palmistry that seemed very good so at $7 I decided to splurge and explore the subject further. It could become a sideline. Ha ha.

Mum playing scrabble.

A week with my Mother at Caloundra, Sunshine Coast, Queensland

@Now that I am semi-retired I wanted to spend more time with my 91 year old mother Edna.  

Living so far from her has meant I only have quality time with Mum once or twice a year if I am lucky and even though we keep in touch by phone it is not the same as time together. Now she is 91 I am keen to spend more time with her while she is mentally and physically able.  I decided to take her on little holidays because she doesn't get that opportunity very often now.  Last year for her 90th, I accompanied her on a cruise, a first for both of us. She really loved it and I could see that this type of holiday was very easy for her and enjoyable for me too. 

Cruising has never been the type of holiday that appealed to Peter and I as it is less about the destination than the cruising and we have always been more interested in the destination. However it is ideal for Mum and despite the fact that I suffered seasickness on the first day I found it pleasant. Mum was fine of course. I am very fortunate that she is physically very strong and steady and now with two new artificial knees ( the right knee fixed when she was 89)  she walks without pain and only needs her walking stick for support and steadiness.  Mentally Edna is still pretty sharp. Like all of us she repeats her stories and it takes her a little time to orient herself in new places but by and large she is still mentally alert and can put on a mean scrabble challenge!

We talk endlessly of course and share similar interests. Mum  is a master painter of porcelain and a fine artist in other media. She has painted and drawn all her life. On this trip to Caloundra I thought we would do some drawing together and meditations. The drawing has occurred but we talk too much to meditate!

Our apartment is at Golden Beach overlooking the Pumicestone Passage

A study in the day and at early morning. The incoming and outgoing tides are endlessly fascinating.

We have been having little excursions every second day and just enjoying our view the other days. I had to do some work which I hadn't quite completed prior to arriving but that was fine. Mum just wants my company which is lovely. Once that work was done I was free to relax myself too. 

Mum has a friend living here Lisa who we caught up with for dinner one night at her place near Kings Beach. She has an older apartment with two bedrooms and it is quite large. I felt most envious of the kitchen. It was so big. Two bathrooms and a real laundry too. I think that the apartments in the 1980s were built much larger.

We explored the Caloundra market and found it to be very good with quality products and I finally scored a stretch belt for half the price they are sold  in Melbourne. I also bought a new sun hat that travels and Mum got one too. Later we drive around to all the different beaches here.  They don't have the large stretches of sandy beaches that the Gold Coast or further north enjoy but they are quaint and interesting with rocky headlands.  Caloundra is a quiet place not particularly trendy and less a "holiday destination" for tourists. A real town. It is situated at the northern end of the Pumicestone passage between the mainland and Bribie Island and has excellent vantage points for watching the many container ships that travel up and down the coast to Brisbane. They come quite close into shore at the tip of Bribie Island before turning North-east and heading up and out to the Coral  sea.

We took a cruise up the inner waterway to the Pelican Waters Tavern on the Wednesday. The passage is really shallow so not a busy shipping lane, just lots of little tinies, aluminium flat bottomed fishing boats with dedicated fishermen. On other days it was busy with kite surfers and windsurfers scudding briskly across the surface.

We enjoyed the  commentary about the history, the  sight off Osprey flying and roosting in trees at the water edge, different types of cormorants, pelicans and gulls. The sand banks are important for water bird feeding and migration.  

  

 Pelican waters tavern. Great lunch and discount for cruise participants.

Short weeks

This week I oversaw the exam for my unit and then was determined to mark all the papers before heading off to Queensland on Wednesday. Going to Box Hill was not so bad this time and I went to lunch with Jan and Andrew like old times. Jan was heading off to China the next day to meet up with his wife who has been visiting her parents. I departed in time for Pilates. No staying  late any more! Next day after watercolour class and a massage I went to a meeting  with the library team. Twice in one week is a challenge. 

The accreditation work is slipping behind but I am determined to complete it before I got to visit Mum. This week has a lot of social catch ups which is so delightful and makes me work more efficiently. I had planned a dinner party weeks ago with Angie and Tim and then I decided to add Irene and Bill.  Bumping into my neighbour at Friday drinks downstairs, I decided to extend a long overdue invite to them too and also to Lee Lin who is now coming to Pilates with me. It was now a dinner for 8. I have let the housework slide over the last few weeks with all the work,  so Saturday was a whirlwind  of cleaning and cooking. I always feel so satisfied when the place looks neat and clean but I just find  it tedious to do it every week. 

I cooked a Spanish meal of Prawns with romesco sauce  as starters, Chicken with beans in tomatoe sauce and baked potatoes in stock. I also served Torta de Santiago with oranges in syrup for dessert. I even got Spanish sherry to start the night. We had a good time with lots of talk and laughing.  I really love cooking for people and seeing them enjoy the food and company. I feel complete.

Sunday I really focused on the accreditation work and knocked off two more. I was exhausted! I am not used to pushing myself so hard anymore. 

I took the pressure off by going to Mark Davis's play 'All for love' at a little studio theatre Q44 in Swan st Richmond. What a revelation. It is above a furniture showroom and includes an art gallery as well. Looked very New York Soho. Mark works at my gym when he isn't acting. The play was by Sam Shepard and written in 1983 but dealt with domestic violence and twisted relationships. Mark was fabulous and conveyed the menacing personality so well. I was quite frightened. Janine came too and we really felt rewarded for supporting this independent production. 

I decided to change my hairstyle and that meant cutting it all off aka Judy Dench. I have had a lot of shocked responses but also compliments. I found it pretty odd at first but it is fantastic to wash and no brushing! I really like it. 

Queens Birthday weekend

Friday  night I went  to a VALA (Victoriano Association For Library Automation) seminar at the Loop in Meyers Place. It was a very trendy little bar full of younger librarians who were there to hear a visitor from Denmark, Jan Holmquist talk about the future of libraries. He was a delightful guy who eventually partially disrobed to reveal a super hero tshirt.  I met my old team and we chatted with Jan and then later went on to dinner.  I felt quite validated that what I have been teaching this term was totally up to date and on song. It was all the stuff he was talking about. 

On the way back to the station we went in to see the famous picture of Chloe at Young and Jackson's pub opposite Flinders street station. It was a revelation. The hotel was really nice inside and the painting was beautiful. This is an iconic painting at an iconic pub in Melbourne. The painting has an interesting history. The nude figure offended the matrons of Melbourne in 1909.

I spent most of Saturday organising get togethers for the Wild Women, a group I am a part of  and who have been friends for 25 years. Needless to say we are not so wild anymore but we have found new family responsibilities and travelling, as well as work getting in the way of keeping in touch. Some of the group are going through very tough times and are missing the support we used to give each other. We used to all meet regularly once a month but that has drifted due to changed circumstances. We aren't there for each other like we used to be.Then it was back to work such as marking and the ALIA  accreditation panel work. 

I took a break to catch a movie with Janine and a quick Chinese dinner. Next day it was Yum Cha with nephew Martin down from Sydney and brother in law Robert and his wife Wanda, my Nick and his partner  Bec then back to work again. 

When I checked my emails I had one from my dear French friends, Monique and Michel who had just completed the Via de la Plata. I was so excited and pleased for them. They had experienced unexpected cold like me and said they had walked "1000.3 kilometres and were a bit tired" ! What an understatement after 44 days walking. Coincidently,  while I was checking the times for the "Woman in Gold" movie I had noticed another movie about walking the Camino.  Naturally I was interested and got side tracked looking up information about it.  Janine said she was interested in seeing it and assured me she wasn't bored stupid by my rapturous recollections of my two Caminos.  

We managed to fit in an early evening session and I really enjoyed it. The documentary" Walking the Camino: six different ways" brought so many memories back and I felt quite teary and emotional. Better still Janine found it illuminating and then wanted to discuss some questions afterward so we went to our favourite Lygon street cafe, the Copperwood to share wine and Pizza.  The movie is less the travel log than an investigation of the spiritual/emotional aspects of the walk.

 It left me rather unsettled  and almost desperate to undertake another walk.  I feel fettered by work again which is really silly because life is nowhere like it was before I walked last year. It reminded me though about keeping it simple. Work and minding Ziggy have taken up my free time again. That balancing act is so hard to maintain. I also contribute to the intensity by not managing my time as effectively as I should.

Next I was back to work and managed  to knock off three more TAFES. What I didn't get to was my painting. That was disappointing. 

This week seems to have too many appointments, work requirements and a forthcoming holiday with Mum making me feel somewhat overstretched. Deadlines, deadlines preying on my mind. I keep remembering how free or comfortable I felt when I had no deadlines. That almost twelve month break has left me less able or less willing  perhaps to ratchet up my efforts. Once you have tasted the freedom it is hard to go back if you don't need to.  

Today I spent with Ziggy and embarked on a new era of Ninja Turtles. My sons loved them and  here we go again. His uncle brought them for him. It seems funny. Jonathan was surprised when I said I still had the ninja turtle bus that he and Nick had as kids. A full circle of life.

Meditation habit

I started meditating  for Mindful May and have managed every day except three. I have started to feel it is essential to my day which is a major breakthrough. The challenge now will be continuing without the reminder emails😏. I feel that I have been calmer and more centred as well as more settled in my brain. That ever busy thinking muscle that never goes quiet.  We will see. It was one of the items on my to do list when I came home from my travels.  The list is being whittled down.  Slow but steady achievements are occurring. That is a good feeling.