Difficulties with writing on this blog haven't stopped. It is frustrating. It is hard to correct mistakes so excuse the spelling errors!

Leaving

Today we really did finish the clearing out of Mum's unit. I have been feeling more emotional as the unit became emptier. It is as if we are obliterating Mum from the world. I felt this when I shifted from my home to the apartment after Peter died. Mum packed quite literally,  a whole life into that place. Seeing the empty hooks on the walls, the cleared rooms, an air of abandonment comes over a place when it is emptied and before it is cleaned which made me feel sad. It is the end. I know memories last forever and people live in your heart but the tangible evidence of their existence has disappeared. 

Practically speaking Mum lives on in all the pieces of China and paintings we have given to friends and family! There was a lot so their is evidence.

Tomorrow I return to Melbourne and my former life. I am excited and sad all rolled into one. Living up here for three months has allowed me to reconnect with my siblings in a richer way and develop closer bonds also with my cousin and my sister- in-law. It has given me a chance to spend time with my husband's family too. It has been a wonderful experience and I will miss the closeness. Sometimes in the past  I have felt when I am in Melbourne, not only distant physically but emotionally from my siblings so this time has been very rewarding and nurturing for me too. Rex who licks my ears and sits at my feet. I will miss the doggy enthusiasm and welcomes.

Childhood memories

I 23 rd October 

Yesterday I thought it would be a quick day at Mum's but although we finished about 3:30 because we were plain stuffed we had worked for nearly the whole day again( 7 hours) just clearing and then wrapping paintings. This has been a mammoth task. Peter and I have worked solidly for two weeks with help from Tim and Jan and Scott and Heidi when they were able. Today though we went to Yangan our childhood home 21 kms south of Warwick. Our parents had the general store and both Peter and I  started school there. 

There isn't much of a town really but our old store is still operating as is the post office, the pub and the school of arts. The school has grown from a two roomer to a multi building enterprise although still modest. Peter remembered a lot more than I did because he was 9 when we left and I was only 5. I had forgotten how beautiful the country was and the soil was so black and rich. 

We had been motivated by a heavy horse field day being run for charity.  It was about showcasing clydesdales and bullocks and how they were used on farms to pull or drive farm machinery. It was very interesting and there was a huge turnout so I am sure they made a good profit.

We then drove through Killarney a very pretty town with a rich history of timber milling , dairying, crop farming and even mining and home through Boonah and Beaudesert. The closer we got to Beenleigh the greater the housing development.  It is shocking to see these developments without road or rail infrastructure to support the residents.

Clearing continues

16 th October Sunday back at the unit. 

Another day of clearing and we decided to allocate and wrap porcelain for everyone so that the whole family can get a little bit of Edna and I will print out her artistic CV so that they all understand what they have and how accomplished she was.

It was an exhausting task helped along by Scott and Heidi who just wrapped and wrapped all day. It was a mammoth task and still we have China. Mum also had collectables that we were all given pieces in her will as well as others we think we will put on EBay to sell as we can't keep it all. We have boxes each and an EBay box as well. My stuff has flowed into more than one and I haven't packed the art books yet!

There is progress but gosh it is overwhelming at times.

The funeral

The funeral was actually a true celebration of Mum's life. There were a few tears but also laughs and smiles. Mum'e eulogy was fairly short and modest and I regret that I didn't speak but three others did, and really every one who attended knew Mum and loved her so they didn't need to be told how great she was.

Jamie, my brother's step-grandson,spoke beautifully and lovingly about Mum and we were all so proud. Her actual grandsons were too emotional to speak.  I wasn't gutted to be saying goodbye I suppose because it is a relief for her and I have said all I need to over the last few weeks. It was so lovely to have my friends and family from interstate there too. The gravesite ceremony was quick but also rather beautiful and then the wake back at the hall was a flurry of greeting people and happy anecdotes followed by farewells as people headed back interstate or home. I was so glad to see my sons and daughter-in-law. It brought home to me how much I have missed them and also how they are the future and I am the matriarch now. We went home with a crate of leftover sandwiches which we devoured because we were too busy to eat and then collapsed. I was so tired I had a nap. 

The following day we went down to my nephew Scott's place at the Gold Coast for a BBQ and catch-up. It was a nice respite from the cleaning up. Sunday I went with Peter to church. I always went with Mum and just felt I wanted to go again while I was here. Peter never goes but when I asked him he agreed to come with me and he seemed to enjoy it. I think he will go occasionally now because the minister is a great character and very practical as well as godly. 

Preparation

14 th October

Today is Mum's funeral

This has been a tumultuous week. Arranging Mum's funeral wasn't too difficult because she had done most of the planning right down to the Eulogy! We selected the coffin and flowers with the undertaker and confirmed with the minister the order of service. I combed the unit for photos of Mum over the years and was quite frustrated not knowing were to look. The following day when we started to clean out the unit we found photos everywhere! 

Mum had every nook and cranny crammed with things, clothes, shoes, photos, magazines, books etc. it has been a journey down memory lane for us all. It was so lovely finding photos of the young Edna and Alex.  It is very clear that Mum had remained beautiful all her life,  her youthful attitude, kindness and happy nature were reflected in her face as she grew older. 

This experience is also a lesson in decluttering especially clothes. Mum had never thrown much out that is for sure. I found a dress she had worn in a photo twenty years ago and there was more than one!

Continuing

12 th October

Sunday I just rested at home. I had wanted to go shopping for an outfit for the funeral but I just didn't have the energy and we were all on edge because Val, Mum's baby sister, was also starting her final journey.Tracey was upset and unsure about going down to Melbourne even though her mother no longer talks or recognises her. Alzheimer's is one of the cruellest. At least Mum had some say over her situation. Valerie seems to be subject to many others.

Monday I returned to the hospital to give the staff some chocolates and a thank you card. Then It was drive to Beenleigh and Mums unit. 

It felt strange leaving John and Tracey. We have really bonded and I felt it was my turn to nurture. Val seemed to be hovering close to death and it seemed imminent. Tracey agonised over whether she should go down to Victoria or not. In the end she chose not to and Val has proved to be a text book case of end of life dementia. A patient slips into a coma and the brain stem alone remains functioning and the body fills with toxins until it shuts down. This process can take days. Valfinally passed away on Thursday at lunch time. Perhaps mum did finally take her to heaven.