Two days walking in the bush

Being back in the bush and the natural quiet is so healing. We walked to the top of Boronia Peak about 8 kms up and back. A good track though a real rock scramble at the peak. What a wonderful view it gave over the surrounding plains. 

 A bit cold at the top.

Note the rain shower.

The Grampians are sandstone primarily so incredibly shaped by wind and rain. By the time we got back down we had all decided we couldn't be bothered going out and had a late lunch and a later dinner. It was very cosy as we all read, did crosswords and watched football. Fresh air and a stiff uphill climb had absorbed all excess energy!

Kim and David with the crosswords

Looking across to where we walked while a flock of cockatoos fly up the valley. The village at Halls Gap is so quiet that kangaroos, emus and deer roam freely around the houses. They really do have kangaroos in the Main Street here.

The next day was fine and cool so we walked up to Mt Rosea which towers over Boronia Peak. This was a very rocky  but well made track of about 10 kms return. I felt a bit out of practice because I haven't done this sort of rugged walking for a couple of years when I think about it. The best bit was I wasn't puffed or struggling at any stage. I am fit at least. No stiffness at all though I took a fall on the flat when I tripped on a protruding rock. Skinned my knee and bruised my pride but otherwise unhurt. Talking too much of course!

V walking through the rocks.

 A snack on the way up.

As we had another evening meal prepared we decided again to stay in and ended up playing a very competitive game of scrabble. The weekend proved to be quite inexpensive with our home catering, own wine and nibbles and the cost of accommodation shared; well until we visited the wineries on the way home! We visited Bests which was established in the 1860s and took a tour of the cellars. Very quaint and Australian in atmosphere. Then off to Great Western for Beer of all things for Kim's son in law. It was a pleasant drive home with only another stop at Beaufort for a pie. These weekends are so special. I felt like I had been away for a week at least and returned to calm. Everyone is so easy to get along with and such fun so we laugh a lot amongst the serious discussions. Good friends are precious.

The Grampians

I have come to the Grampians, a mountain range South-west of Melbourne that was named after the Scottish mountains of the same name because it was so cold when the explorer Major Thomas Mitchell happened across them in 1836.  They stand over the surrounding plains, rugged and wild with waterfalls and majestic peaks. The stone is mainly sandstone so prone to crumbling away.  I am staying in a friends house beneath the Pinnacle a major landmark and excellent viewing spot when you walk up to it. This is my old bushwalking group and we are here to bushwalk and catch up. It has been a couple of years since we actually camped and walked together.  The arrival of grand-children and retirement has led us all in different directions over the last few years. 

Being in this sleepy town of Halls Gap is very peaceful. This morning I woke to cockatoos on the verandah. It reminds me of my old home in Warrandyte where the birds were prolific.

I slept soundly in my much loved sleeping bag( bringing sheets seemed a hassle) and listening to the house creak and ping from the expansion and retraction of the tin roof is a novelty after the quiet of the apartments. It seems alive. The weather is a little dubious, low cloud and drizzle adding to the musical sounds of the house but will be good for walking probably.

It will be good to be in nature as I have been a bit destabilised lately feeling anxious for no significant reason that I can think of. Being back teaching, procrastinating over doing a new budget, too much to do and not quite enough down time, being sick, and minding Ziggy extra days. All totally insignificant in the scheme of things but none the less niggling at me.   Jonathan said I was doing too much and I was supposed to be slowing down now I am retired.  I think he is probably correct. I am compulsive about being busy.  Walking the Camino gets me to slow down and simplify but it is such a battle to maintain the simplicity with all the threads in my life.

Back teaching and feeling the frustrations with the institute again

Last week was getting back in the swing of teaching again and bumping up against the old system that drove me mad before. I marvel at the difference I feel both psychologically and physically this year when I think about or engage in work. I still get exasperated by the snails pace of bureaucracy and the different departments not coordinating properly but I can live with it now. It doesn't make me crazy or stress me. Work has sent out two contracts for me to sign and I have to sign and initial the conditions of work as well as commit to doing the BHI induction program online. It is quite silly but I just go with the flow.It is a great relief to know I can walk anytime.. I am enjoying the research for the topic but I do think selling coffee machines might be easier. I was offered a casual job late last year as a coffe machine sales representative. It could be fun. 

 The fact that I am toying with this probably indicates I still feel like working or rather I fear leaving the workforce completely. I want to get some more savings together so I can feel more comfortable about planning more travel. Saving and spending really don't work together somehow.

All the talk about superannuation and having a million to live comfortably is unsettling. I might live for a very long time and so my super has to last most of my life. Working more means I can add to the kitty rather than take. I realise that I am still not as competent with my finances as I should be too and that disappoints me. So many things to learn. I have been putting off doing a proper budget and that is plain stupid. I have been refraining from spending and felt better for doing so. I feel more in control which is good. Why does it all have to be so complicated?

Last week was a doozy with book club, babysitting Tuesday followed by the sons coming to work at my place and then after teaching in the morning and challenging Pilates session another stint of babysitting till midnight on Wednesday. Art class Thursday followed by a trip to Box Hill to discuss course matters, gym, lecture preparation Fridayfollowed by a movie with friends. 

There was a bit of confusion over the weekend brunch plan. My son Jonathan was telling me I need to slow down and communicate more. Hmm! Probably correct.

My brother-in-law Riger who has relocated to Sydney was down for the weekend and wanted to catch up with everyone so I settled on a brunch at my place. It works well generally with Ziggy and then everyone still has the better part of the afternoon free. I had asked everyone to keep Sunday clear but because I hadn't followed up until this week the sons had organised a shoot for their Tshirt Label in a restaurant for a 12:30 start. Clare is working 6 days a week and woke with a headache, Rebecca had slept in because we had moved brunch an hour earlier so the boys could get to the shoot.

My other brother-in-law and his wife were coming and then their world turned upside down with a robbery at his work and the ongoing extra care his mother in law requires now after a hip operation and a small stroke. It is very hard for the daughters to see their mum deteriorate and they are doing a massive job alternating caring for her.  Anyway I started with 9 people and ended with 4 and Ziggy. 

I like trying new breakfast dishes. This time I did a sweet potato, spinach and leek bake with coconut milk plus pancakes with real maple syrup and strawberries.  It was delicious but while I remembered the no dairy for Roger I forgot he is also on the FODMAP diet and leeks are a no-no. I had done chicken congee as well, mainly for Ziggy but everyone wanted that too. 

I had brought out the boys old toy box and Ziggy and the 'boys' all had a great time playing with them. I even liberated the soft toys from the cage and he was thrilled to find a Goofy amongst them. It was a nice morning and everyone was able to continue with their Sunday plans.  I decided to bake for the hiking weekend  coming up and so spent the rest of the day cooking.  I had made too much quinoa for a recipe when I needed only a little bit so I wanted to use the rest somehow.  I made a sort of bread/pancake which I had for breakfast and have decided it is really tasty and filling. I had a smaller portion too which sustained me far more than muesli! It is a revelation. I had a vaguely unsettled feeling for the rest of the evening. I need to babysit  Monday as well this coming week because the other Grandmother has hurt her back.  Just as well I had done most of the lecture for Wednesday. 

I finished reading my journal from the first Camino. How our memories forget the tough bits.  I was glad to refresh my memories because I had forgotten how anxious Lyn got about accommodation towards the end. There was quite a lot of people vying for beds but we only had to walk on once and we found a magic place so it was a good outcome. Even reading my journal doesn't explain why walking a Camino leaves you feeling so happy. People ask you what you take from the experience and that is the abiding feeling-happiness and a sense of inner peace and the goodness  or godliness (?) of people. It is profound.

Got my energy back after 10 days of Bronchitis.

Being sick is such a bore and when you are on your own it makes you feel very vulnerable. I felt quite down in the dumps because I had no energy or ability to do any of the things I usually do. It is a good reminder to be grateful for good health.  Anyway two funerals didn't help my mood and by the end of the week I was very sorry for myself. I got started on preparing my lectures for the next semester, a task that doesn't make you feel very happy but needed to be done and I expected that to lift my vague anxiety. 

I am such a procrastinator and then I lost a week due to illness. I never learn. A little bit of pressure makes me more efficient in my experience. Sigh! My personality is such a burden sometimes. As soon as I think I am on top of the task I feel weird because it is unusual. I am addicted to adrenalin I suppose. 

I joined a group of people who have been on a Camino or are intending to go on one. It was such a happy night and it was so pleasant talking about our experiences knowing people really understood. It makes me want to get out there again. 

I have finished the first stage of my holiday photos which is rather exciting. Barcelona and Seville book 1. Book 2 is the actual Camino and that is going to take many pages. My ambition to include my blog or abbreviated blog is looking daunting.  My photos also seem to be in a shocking mess too.  I am a bad librarian because they are all very badly organised and I am not sure why or how that happened.

Computers are a challenge sometimes especially with digital photos. Anyway I am working on them and hopefully it will all sort out in the end.

Back to the gym tomorrow will probably hurt because I have done nothing for nearly a fortnight.  It is cold and miserable again. Well it is winter. I ca't wait till I finish Dry July. I haven't missed the alcohol all that much surprisingly but I haven't been entirely pure. Two glasses of wine for the month and a whisky. I have broken the glass every night habit and I am sure that is why I got sick! That is my story and I am sticking with it.  The cold weather makes me feel like something more full bodied than water but also interesting is how delicious water tastes especially after being sick. 

A sad farewell

Yesterday I attended the farewell for a son of a friend. It was very sad. He was an unusual person who found it difficult to fit into mainstream life. Dying so young and so unexpectedly challenges us all. His mother is so brave and the reality hasn't settled upon her yet. I remember that sense of other world, like a bad dream. The pain comes violently when reality cannot be denied any longer. When the busyness stops the hurting starts in earnest.  To lose a child is unimaginable.

A few friends went to dinner together afterwards. It was helpful talking about the feelings we experienced instead of brooding by ourselves trying to come to terms with his death. I have talked about tilting worlds and death does that. It puts us off balance for awhile. 

I came home and felt very grateful for the good health of my family and friends.

Sick

I have been struggling with a tight chest this week and the weather has been freezing too.  In the end I went to the doctor because it felt like last year in Spain. A cough and difficulty trying to get a breath. 

I tried not to take antibiotics but as soon as I started the chest began to ease. I am on soup because I feel too tired to cook anything else. 

With three people passing from this earth over the last week I felt like being a bit more attentive to my health!

The rest of the time I have done some painting and reading but really too tireddormuch else. I actually slept in the couch today!  Haven't done that for along time so I guess the body is telling me to stop!

My neighbour has just had her first tattoo at 61. Her grand children had their grandfathers signature tattooed on to their bodies and she decided she would too. It has been five years since he passed away and so they took her to their tattooist. They offered to hold her hand but she said she would be brave.

 It was a real bonding exercise for the three of them. 

One incident and life changes forever

This weekend when I was about to go to Cirque Africa I received bad news about a friend's son passing away. He is not much older than my own sons. It rocks your world. We have such a tentative hold on life when it comes down to it.  He had some sort of illness but not what anyone expected to be life-threatening.  He was a sensitive, artistic person. It is too tragic. It makes you fearful that at any moment the the world as you know it is going to collapse, or sink into oblivion.  You want to cling to your loved ones and not let them out of your site just in case but you know that there is no safety anywhere and you just have to proceed as usual. I know that all sounds terribly dramatic but it is at the base of our shock.

It was six years on Saturday since my husband died and while the pain is no longer with me, the loss of him from my life is always a reminder.  You do pick yourself up and you do move on in life but it is never as it was.

Life still has joy for me in the cheeky smile of my Ziggy, the love from my sons and my family and friends.  Watching Ziggy wiggle his big toes reminded me that it was a thing Peter did and it made me smile. We wouldn't appreciate life fully if it had no clouds.

The circus was a welcome relief and respite from our gloomy thoughts. The littlest acrobat reminded me of Ziggy when he gets a little older.

 The music was so joyful and the performers were great.  What amazing bodies.